January 26th, 2017.
To the boy who makes my heart pump faster; I love you.
I always will.
Your deep blue eyes torment me, my fingers crave to touch your hair. Please forgive me for what I feel, please forgive me because I need you everyday, just a little bit of you.
When I’m with you I’m so high, but when I’m without you, I keep feeling let down. I don’t know if the lows feel so low because they truly are or if it is because the highs are so high I come crashing down for the tiniest things. You got me feeling some type of way. And by that, I mean; I am a giggling awkward mess, but it’s okay because I’m sure the sky has never looked so blue and my cheeks hurt so much from smiling and these are the problems people should have in their lives. I am so glad I met you.
You amaze me every single day. The way you talk, the way you laugh. The way you make time for me no matter how busy you might be. The way your happiness becomes contagious even when I am having a bad day. It’s those late night phone calls I get that I would never regret, those phone calls that always make my day. It’s the effort I put every night, call me crazy; but I set six alarms every hour from 12am so I can text you back or at least have a few minutes more with you. It’s those smiles you draw on my face, the silent moments, the slight and awkward giggle when you say something funny, the one you can’t really hear. It’s the happy tears that run down my face when you compliment me, when you say I’m beautiful or when you say you want to spend the rest of your life with me.
I’ve never felt this way about anyone, I may have been close to that feeling with someone before but I swear, nothing as good and as close as what I am feeling for you right now. Everything just feels right when I’m with you, it doesn’t matter if it’s only you behind a screen. You have helped me so much. You gave me hope when no one else could, you made me see life from a different angle, suddenly; everything looked beautiful.
You helped me gain confidence in myself. I no longer have to hide who I really am, I can actually be my own self and know you won’t judge me. Even when I send a selfie that I don’t like that much or when I find myself ugly or wearing an oversized jumper along with a messy bun, you say I look beautiful. The way you look at me is something so amazing that I can never find the right words to describe the feeling. I even forget how to speak English when I’m in front of you. I smile a lot, my cheeks turn red and start burning… you never fail to make me feel loved.
Like you once said, “that person has always been out there, you just had to find it”
I couldn’t agree more. I’m guessing that someone is you.
I finally found someone that looks at me as if I were the one who puts the stars in the sky. I finally found someone that has no problem giving me something that he might not get back, which is his time. I finally found someone that makes time to hear my voice or just to hear about my day. Sometimes, when I become speechless; he only listens to my breathing or my awkward sounds when I think of something funny during the call… he actually stays and talks to me.
I finally found someone that loves me for who I am and I couldn’t be happier. That someone, is you. Tom Matikainen.
I love you so unbelievably much and my heart feels like exploding every time I look at you or listen to that beautiful voice of yours that sometimes ends up taking my breath away.
We can do this, I know for sure.
I will love you forever, no matter what.
ps. I love you babyyyy x
Rockets and Rainbows,