Category: random
Protected: Probably another cheesy text
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My 2017 goals
I’ve seen many bloggers do this and I decided to give it a try. After all this is something we all have done, setting goals for each one of us every single year. Some of us actually manage to complete them, while others try and some others may completely forget about them or give up cause they seem impossible. Last year I managed to complete 50% of them, which is seriously a sad outcome. Here’s to the 2017, new year, new goals, new aspirations that I am glad to share with you all. Here it goes!!
- Get good grades.
Moving to a different city and going to a school full of people you don’t really know anything about is a hard task. Many things distracted me last year about this, mostly because I was more focused on a guy and trying to make friends that I completely forgot the whole purpose about school. So dear future self, LET’S GET GOOD GRADES!!
2. Enjoy my senior year.
As I mentioned before, moving to a different place is not easy. Not when nobody knows anything about you or when people aren’t willing to befriend you. It is hard as hell. Trying to fit in, make friends and being social are definitely not my forte. Making new friends has never been hard for me cause I’m really picky when it comes to friendships. I’ve been let down so many times by people I never thought would and that’s what I am working on. Enjoying my last high school year no matter what, whatever happens, happens.
Life is a rollercoaster that only goes up my frieeeeend…
3. Get into that Australian uni.
That is my most important goal, but I placed it as a third option cause it’s a bit less important than high school right now, gotta survive senior year first! My plan is to move to Australia as soon as I get enough money to pay for it. Considering Raffles, Whitehouse Institute of Design, UTS, and TAFE. Those are my top 4 and might also want to add Curtin Uni. Got to get good grades for that and lots of effort, I’d really love to develop my skills.
4. Start my Youtube channel (my own)
Yes I have posted some videos using my friend’s account but I might want to take it to the next level and create one of my own in which I could actually post my own stuff and basically do whatever I want. I have sort of an idea of what my channel might be about but I really need to work on that too so… let’s make it a double goal here.
5. Finish reading some books
Sounds a bit silly but I started reading a saga three years ago now and haven’t finished reading the fourth book… Hush Hush’s saga seems impossible to finish mostly because I don’t have enough time to or simple forget that book exists. I really want to know how it ends so that’s also a goal I should keep in mind.
6. Travel!
This one’s a bit specific though, but I’d love to travel as much as possible. Right now my main goal is to get to Sydney, Australia. Have already booked some trips to the most beautiful beaches in México, yaaaay!
7. Enjoy my job
Working so many shifts in different days is hard. But it becomes harder when each one of them last around 8 hours. My main goal is to actually enjoy it, I chose that job because I love doing that and people seriously appreciate what I do. Let’s get to work, get enough money and go wherever I want to, aka. kangaroo land, aka. Australia.
8. Be there for him.
Yes you, I’m talking about you. To the ones who don’t have a clue of what I am talking about just know this last goal is dedicated to someone that happens to be real special to me and someone I really care about. I know we 
met online, I know sometimes we don’t talk that much because the time zonings are horrendous -you being 17 hours ahead of me is not that rad- but I promise I’ll be there for you as much as I can. So, kangaroo land boy, you know this is about you.
I’ll see you in Australia soon!!
SPOILER ALERT: I might get there by September and if not, hopefully by January 2018. -Need to fix my visa, eeek- I love you.
Biscuits and Sparkles,
Angie.
The plane ticket will be one way.
“If I am in love with you, I will love all of you. Even if you’re far at distance, even when it gets hard, maybe even when you have betrayed me. I am in love with everything that makes you, you. I love your pain, your suffering, all of your sadness along with how mad you can get at silly stuff, or how jealous you get when other boys want to talk to me. But just know I am in love with you. And I will always want just you”
December 27th, 2016. 14:44
To whom it may concern…
Long distance relationships.
Three words.
Twenty three letters.
Seven syllables.
To you, it may seem like nothing, but to someone else, it’s something big, and beautiful. It starts off as a simple, innocent message with the intent of finding someone interesting to talk to. When you first send the message, you’re excited, because you find the person attractive in one way or another, but think little of it, because of course, at first glance you wouldn’t just assume you’re gonna date someone from another country. At first, you just talk casually, trying to keep the conversation going, but the awkwardness just keeps growing more and more. That is, until you find (a) common interest(s), and then the conversation sparks. Thoughts are flying in every direction, and without even knowing it, you’re already growing attached to this person.
They brighten your days. They show you the good in the bad. They show you things from a different perspective. And they make you so incredibly happy. With all the good, there has to be some bad. After the thrill of realizing you have that special someone wears off, the fighting kicks in, and the strength of your relationship is questioned. You think back to the beginning, and how it felt like you were on a high. You think that it’s crazy how quickly things can change. You want to give up, throw in the towel, brush off the sadness. but you can’t. because you realize that without that person, the darkness would drown you. They’re your life preserver, and without them, the impending waves would take you under before you have the chance to take a breathe. They annoy you to no end. They make you so mad that you have to force yourself to relax. They make you sad. So, so sad. That you can feel it crawling up your throat from your chest. But you can’t give up. because giving up would mean giving in, and if the other person hasn’t yet, that must mean that there’s still some hope, right? After all the fighting, you realize that you’re so connected to the other, on an emotional level, that the thoughts from before of letting go, make you feel like a complete idiot. Within the span of months, or even weeks, they’ve become your everything. And you never have to worry with them. You could look like complete crap, and they wouldn’t care. Mostly because they aren’t there to see it, but also, because they’re too in love with you’re very being, to care.
This is why when people say dating someone far away is dumb, I have to disagree.
Yes, it’s hard to be in a long distance relationship because of not being together physically and not feeling each other’s presence. You cannot hold each other’s hand neither kiss and hug. You cannot see one another whenever you wanted and needed to. You cannot do things together like the normal couple does. You’ll still miss each other even though you talk all night long, sadness will remain on heart after your conversation because you’re longing for real conversation and wanting to feel how it’s like being done face-to-face. You cannot eat pizzas, burgers or fries together whenever you’re hungry. When one’s sick, you cannot take care, give medicines and be with each other for the rest of the night. You cannot serenade and give goodnight and good morning kisses. You cannot watch him/her fall asleep by your side. You cannot go to places you wanted and spend hours together. You cannot feel how these things are done in a real world, in a real presence, in reality. But still, you know that one day you will.
Biscuits and Sparkles,
Angie.
For anyone tending a broken heart
“Leaving is not enough. You must stay gone. Train your heart like a dog. Change the locks even on the house he’s never visited. You lucky, lucky girl. You have an apartment just your size. A bathtub full of tea. A heart the size of Arizona, but not nearly so arid. Don’t wish away your cracked past, your crooked toes, your problems are papier mache puppets you made or bought because the vendor at the market was so compelling you just had to have them. You had to have him. And you did. And now you pull down the bridge between your houses, you make him call before he visits, you take a lover for granted, you take a lover who looks at you like maybe you are magic. Make the first bottle you consume in this place a relic. Place it on whatever altar you fashion… Don’t lose too much weight. Stupid girls are always trying to disappear as revenge. And you are not stupid. You loved a man with more hands than a parade of beggars, and here you stand. Heart like a four-poster bed. Heart like a canvas. Heart leaking something so strong they can smell it in the street.”
(Frida Kahlo to Marty McConnell) – Marty McConnell.
I’ve spent three years building a wall. A wall to prohibit hurtful words and heartbreak. I built it so I wouldn’t feel, never dreaming I’d actually accomplish the feat.
I did. I built a wall so high, so wide it kept everything out— heartbreak, anger, jealousy, grief and the good things like love, affection, kindness. This wall I dreamed of, it destroyed the emotional element that makes my person who I am. Until recently, that was okay. My focus centered on school, both athletic performance and academic superiority. Inability to properly display emotion didn’t matter.
Except now it does. I’ve got a crush, and more importantly friendships to cultivate. But, if I’m honest I’m not quite sure how to do so. I want to say “I love you, I care about you” but the words die in my throat or end up getting deleted moments after I type them out. I want to display my affections through actions and touch yet my body won’t move. Not for him, not for them.
It’s a curious thing, this inability or more specifically this internal struggle. Things I used to be able to say and do with ease are now so foreign my brain struggles to comprehend it, let alone actually do it. I’m having to just spit it out and try not to cringe as I do so.
I don’t want to fear emotion, I want to feel. I want to feel sincerely. I want to be able to tell people they’re appreciated and loved, and not feel like I just uttered the dumbest, most illogical statement in the world because love is strong and there’s nothing less about it.
So it’s been three years of solitude, of nothingness and I want to tell you it did absolutely nothing for me (perhaps I’ve been more into self-discovery but the wall isn’t necessary for that) and now I’ve just got to reintroduce emotion— the legitimacy of feeling back into my life, it’s going to be a long road.
So from me to you: don’t build it. No matter how much it hurts, embrace the hurt. Cry, scream if you must, but don’t built the damn wall. It’s only going to hurt you long term. Embrace the emotions you possess, they are the gateway to love and living your life in the fullest sense.
Biscuits and sparkles,
Angie.
rockets and rainbows 